INTRODUCTION
Normally, I'm not a big fan of using the Bible in this way so let me explain how I got here.
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Each month I read through the book of Proverbs. I have read one chapter each day for a few years. To stay sharp and continue to see them in a fresh way, I have focused on different themes and read from different perspectives.
One of those techniques was to look at forms of communication mentioned. That was the basis for this post. Thus, I have not cherry-picked verses to fit an idea I had nor have I intentionally fit verses into a framework. Instead, I found verses with certain words and then made a list of those.
I have found Proverbs to be a difficult book to study in a way that isn't choosing verses from all over and bringing them together. God may have a clear pattern to the arrangement, but I can't see it. Proverbs seems to be the "pick and choose" book of the Bible. However, my goal was to let the book form the list rather than forming a list and finding verses to match.
If you find other verses that are about communication skills that would work in this post, please share them in the comments. Now, let's get to the main idea...
STUCK CASE STUDY - HOW TO RESPOND?
One of your team members (you lead the team) approaches you with a problem. They are stuck in one of their projects and are not sure how to proceed. How do you help them?
Wise leaders can open their toolbox and choose from a number of response alternatives. How many tools do you have for this situation?
HAVE CHARACTER, NEED SKILLS
As a follow up to our recent post about leadership character traits I want to discuss the skills that go with them.
I mentioned in that post that character does not make someone a wise leader, but you can't be a wise leader without character.
In the same way, having the character does not mean you automatically have the skills. We must develop them. These skills are interesting in that they go both ways, meaning that, for each of them, the leader does them and receives them. So, what are they and how do we acquire them (assuming we are developing the character)? Let's dive in and see.
As with the character traits, I will be taking each of these from the Proverbs.
FIRST COMES LISTENING
One thing to say before we get to the list is that the most important part of communicating is listening. This is stated throughout the Bible and experience proves it. I could give may verses in both Proverbs and almost every book of the Bible to show this, but will refrain. Number four on our list assumes a high listening ability.
Listening takes a lifetime to master but can be learned in a paragraph.
The main point I want to make here is that, as with the following skills, listening is first about character; it comes from a heart attitude, a maturity, a curiosity and humility, a love and respect that recognizes our finiteness and the complexity of life and the human soul and seeks first to understand. Listening includes asking questions and is done with the heart more than with the ears. It takes a lifetime to master but can be learned in a paragraph.
Have you taken the Coaching Workshop?
THEN COMES SELF-AWARENESS
Proverbs 14:15
The simple believes everything,
but the prudent gives thought to his steps.
The second necessary gift that leaders give their people is growing self-awareness. All of these skills are relatively useless if we are not aware of what we are feeling and how we come across and how we are being received. This is not about pleasing people and being liked. It is about knowing what triggers me, taking responsibility for my feelings and responses/reactions, and working with my people in the way that best gets our team to accomplish our purpose/mission/goals. Self-awareness is vital for this.
With that, here we go...
TEACH/INSTRUCT
Hear, O sons, a father's instruction,
and be attentive, that you may gain insight,
for I give you good precepts;
do not forsake my teaching.
Talking is not teaching.
Lecturing is not teaching.
Just because I explain something does not mean that the listener learned it.
The heart of the father in these verses is that his sons hear, engage, understand, and apply what he is teaching them. As leaders we have things to teach, and there is a time for teaching. This means that we need to hone this skill, understand different learning styles, different personalities, effective techniques.
In effect, we need to become students of teaching, and then practice the skill until we are effective. Whether we are naturally gifted teachers or have the spiritual gift of teaching does not matter. As leaders we will need to teach at times so we need to acquire the skill.
Note, that I am not saying that we need to become experts at every subject in order to teach it. No, rather I am saying that we will need to teach certain ideas/concepts to our people, and we owe it to them to do it well.
With this comes the need to be able to learn. I mentioned above that these skills go both ways meaning, in this case, that we need to be able to teach and learn. These are different sides of the same coin and require work on our part to become good at both.
GUIDE/ADVISE/COUNSEL/ CONSULT
Plans are established by counsel;
by wise guidance wage war.
Without counsel plans fail,
but with many advisers they succeed.
The Old Testament authors use a few different Hebrew words to convey the idea of giving advice or advising. At first I separated these, but, after looking through Proverbs and the Bible, I decided they were close enough to combine into one skill.
In English we use these four words in nuanced ways, some of which overlap. I use a guide, not an advisor, on a tour or a path. I may seek counsel from advisers or hire a consultant who may guide me through a process or give advice about how to deal with a certain change I want to make. If I step back, however, they are all basically doing the same thing.
As a leader I need to know how to use a guide or adviser, and I need to be a guide or advice-giver. Knowing when and how to do this well is the skill, the art.
Giving advice is easy. Doing it well, i.e. so that the results from my advice are effective is a different matter. As leaders we can grow in this skill. As with much growth I must take time to reflect on experience and understand that no two situations are ever exactly the same. This makes me humble and cautious, but not insecure, in any advice I give. Our people will come to us for advice. There is a time when it is right and helpful to give it. Learning this discernment is part of the skill.
ENCOURAGE
I find 1 Thessalonians 5:14
helpful when it comes to encouragement:
"And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone."
Sounds very similar but it adds some meat to the bare bones on the proverb. We are not called to encourage everyone. For some people encouragement is not the right "medicine". But for those who are anxious or disheartened, encouragement is just what the doctor ordered.
I expect we all have received encouragement that was not so encouraging, as well as words that significantly strengthened our spirits. What made the difference?
Part of learning this skill is about internalizing it so that it is not words we say but an outward expression of feelings that are connected with the needy person. We must love our people. Of course, sometimes encouragement can be a strong word or exhortation, but when it is appropriate it is received as encouragement. Thus, this skill requires a healthy dose of discernment as well.
Not everyone is naturally encouraging and, in fact, many leader-types are driven and future-thinking and really struggle to remember to encourage and celebrate. They may excuse this as the way they are or that this mindset is what makes them good leaders. That is nonsense.
Being a good leader means understanding your people and when they are anxious or disheartened, then a word of encouragement is needed. We are to learn how to do this well in such a way that we become the kind of people who do it.
COACH
The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water,
but a man of understanding will draw it out.
I love this insight into human nature. Our people are deep wells of experience, knowledge, memories, talent, skills, gifts, and relationships, as well as hurts, wounds, fears, and scars.
They will often be in situations in which they have a desire or want to accomplish something but are stuck. In many of these situations, they have it inside of them to make it happen, but they do not know how to progress.
The wise leader who has acquired the skills to draw what is needed out of the person rather than just give it to them will see powerful results in both productivity and personal development.
For many immature leaders this can be threatening because it moves their people to be less dependent on them. What they can't see is that this path develops people who are less needy but much more loyal.
The skills required to do this include knowing how to ask powerful, open questions, knowing how to listen to ask questions rather than listen to diagnose, and understanding the priority on process and the big picture without losing the focus on getting things done.
I have found this to be the least developed skill among leaders which is why I do a 3 Day Coaching Skills Training. I encourage you to check it out.
As with the other skills this goes both ways as well. Wise leaders recognize that their "heart is like deep water" as well and thus they need to be coached. Leaders who think they have what they need without someone in a coaching role in their life are blind to how much they are missing. If you are a leader who does not have a coach, I encourage you to find one. I am an ICF certified coach and would be happy to talk. The first meeting is free.
FOUR BECOMES ONE
The danger in this is to see these as four unrelated skills. They are different ways to communicate in the same situations. The result of owning these skills, of mastering them, is that we have, with them, acquired the skill of discerning when to use which.
Let's go back to our "Stuck" case study from the beginning. Each of these four skills may be effective, or they could be harmful.
- Maybe this is a time to teach a new concept.
- Perhaps the situation is such that the leader needs to give advice, explain how to handle the situation.
- Maybe the person just needs an encouraging word that they are on the right path and need to keep at it.
- Or maybe they have it in them but can't get to it and so need to be asked some questions that help them gain new awareness and create action steps to move forward.
How do you know which to do?
This is about being connected to God's Spirit, learning from experience, getting feedback, and knowing our people. What is their personality type and learning style? How do they handle challenges? What motivates them? What are they really asking for?
The leader who has come to this place can develop a team that can do the impossible. And more importantly from a big picture leadership point of view, the people on this team will continue to grow into their full potential.
We must never forget that wise leaders multiply more wise leaders.
We must never forget that wise leaders multiply more wise leaders.
YOUR TURN...
So, what are you going to do? Please share your thoughts and experience with a comment below or on our Facebook Page.
Other posts on leadership:
Your Job Is To Abide In Christ
Management and the Soul that Abides: A Mini-Case Study
The Deeper Resistance to Choosing Vulnerability
The Importance of Showing Up: Avoiding Distractions in a Virtual World
About the Author:
Duke Dillard
Duke empowers people to fully live out who God made them to be and what God is calling them to do in community. He does this through writing, coaching, mentoring, consulting, and developing courses. Duke and Laurie have been enjoying their bumpy journey together with Jesus since 1995. They have persevered and grown their love through brokenness and much grace and mercy. Together they have lived in four countries, learned five languages (poorly), are raising seven children, and have built community with some of the most amazing people in the world. Duke is happiest when he is spending time alone with Laurie.